Key Points from my Conversation with Andreas Håheim

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Key Points

• Connect Sex and Life
  Sexual issues often stem from broader relationship or personal problems, not just physical factors. Address the whole life context, rather than isolating sex.
  
  
• Practice Curiosity and Sit with Feelings
  Approach uncomfortable emotions or conflicts by getting curious about their origins instead of rushing to harmony or avoidance.
  
  
• Acknowledge Small Past Traumas
  Recognize how minor childhood experiences, like comparisons or criticisms, can influence adult insecurities and behaviors.
  
  
• Identify and Fulfill Personal Needs
  Reflect on your core needs (e.g., freedom, accomplishment) to avoid losing yourself in relationships and maintain authenticity.
  
  
• Communicate Honestly and Directly
  Express true feelings like “I’m not happy” instead of nagging over small issues, as indirect complaints mask deeper dissatisfaction.
  
  
• Create Daily Check-ins for Safety
  Establish short, regular rituals (e.g., 10-15 minutes without distractions) to openly discuss feelings and prevent resentment buildup. Avoid discussing the weather, the commute, the kids, or other mundane or daily maintenance topics during these sessions.
  
  
• Reduce Overthinking Through Acceptance and Action
  Overthinking arises from trying to control the uncontrollable. Accept situations, stay present, and take small actions to break cycles.
  
  
• Lower Performance Pressure in Intimacy
  Unrealistic expectations from porn or societal ideals fuel anxiety. Focus on connection, passion, and mutual energy rather than perfection.
  
  
• Prioritize Self-care Without Stigma
  Incorporate mental and physical well-being routines (e.g., exercise, mindfulness) as essential for feeling safe and balanced.
  
  
• Be Authentic from the Start in Dating
  Present your true self early to attract compatible partners and avoid building relationships on facades and lies. Your partner, and you, deserve better than that.

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Transcript

Intro

[Key video clips from our conversation.]

There’s two things [to] being a social worker.
You need a big heart and you need to be curious.
The same in a relationship.

Joachim’s Intro of the Guest

Today’s guest is Andreas Håheim.

Andreas is a trained sexological counselor from the University of Agder, with a bachelor’s degree in social work from the University of Stavanger. He also holds a master’s degree in societal safety, is an approved professional supervisor, and has worked in the health and social sector with vulnerable individuals for over 20 years.

He has worked in areas such as substance abuse, psychiatry, child welfare, family work, and somatic care, across municipal, state, and private sectors. At the same time, he has taught at universities and colleges, educating social workers, child welfare educators, and community nurses.

In addition to his position at the University of Stavanger, he co-founded and runs Stavanger Sexologene. In his work as a sexologist, Håheim is dedicated to being a spokesperson for clarifying myths surrounding men’s sexuality. This work inspired him to write the book “In the Head of the Man – The Big Questions in the Sexologist’s Office.” The book is an invitation to understand the man’s journey, aiming to build bridges of understanding between genders.

He also hosts a podcast called “I Hodet på Mannen” (“In the Head of the Man”).

…and now dear friends, my conversation with Andreas Håheim.